I’m needing advice on how to handle a situation. I have gotten some thoughts from my sister – – thanks, Kat!! – – but, I would like to get thoughts/ideas from sources that both know what’s going on (and have an emotional investment) and those who don’t have a clue – – other than what I tell ’em, of course (and are NOT emotionally invested.) I kinda have a couple “options” that I have come up with – – and will list them at the bottom; however, I am open to other possible solutions – – so don’t hold back.
We spent the Thanksgiving holiday with my family…and thank goodness my sister is the bomb, ’cause she may have literally saved a life this weekend….again, thanks, Kat!! The weekend prior to Thanksgiving, Madd and I were at my sister’s for business and a birthday (wow, I like how that sounded….anyway) – – and I asked her if she had a problem with my family staying at her house over the holiday, as my parents had already made arrangements to keep Cousin Toto* and his family. She agreed – – THANKSgiving, R’Amen!! (Now, just so we are crystal clear going into this story…I also asked her ’cause 1) I have had a really great time hangin’ out and getting to know her and 2) I would prefer hanging out with my bitchin’ sister than with Obnoxious, Rude, and Immature Cousin Toto. AND, I realize that I am on the offensive when dealing with Toto – – and have in the past over-compensated/acted socially inappropriately when dealing with him, et. al.)
We arrive on Wednesday evening – – stopping by my folks house, on the way to Kat’s, to drop off some sausage for my boy-child. Toto and the clan were already there – – and at the greeting, I am on-guard, AGAIN. Toto has this thing where he likes to kiss and hug at greeting/departure times and the kiss is full-on mouth kisses. When he came to kiss me, I averted my face and he (and I) did the cheek smooch. There was some obnoxious, light-hearted banter and then we left.
At about noon on Thanksgiving, we trekked over to my folks house – – food was excellent, as always – – and Toto was the same obnoxious schmuck. He had, apparently been giving the small boys (4 year olds) wedgies – – and my brother, retaliating for his boy getting said wedgie, punched Toto in the leg. Toto went after my brother and the revenge issues started. He saw nothing wrong with giving the boys wedgies and thought that my brother should buck-up.
We ate dinner…..had yummy, yummy food…..and then Toto’s wife and I cleaned up. After clean-up, I was sitting in one of the kitchen chairs and Toto came up behind/beside me on the left, grabbed my face, forcing it back and kissed me full on the mouth and THEN licked both of the lenses on my glasses. Just prior to actually kissing me, but still while holding my head in that position, he made a comment or asked why both me and my youngest didn’t like getting kissed on the mouth and avoided it! Of course I was spewing mad and told him that he was gonna get his ass kicked for that – – and proceeded to clean my glasses. I also told him that getting kissed on the mouth, for me, was personal and the only one who got that was James. Luckily, he spent most of the day upstairs watching football. The next day, we were picking up Toto’s wife for Black Friday shopping – – and really, we were almost not looking forward to spending the day with her – – I mean I wouldn’t want to spend the day with Toto and if she was anything like him (alone), it might be a long and painful day.
We arrived earlier than planned, so were the only ones in the kitchen. My Dad came down to start the coffee – – which James had already taken care of – – then Toto and his wife trickled down and they (my Dad and Toto) were yacking a bit. When the topic got a bit racially slurry, I stepped in to put a stop to it and the arguments began. I spent about a half-hour listening to him spew his twisted thoughts – – and then we left. On the way to the medium sized city, his wife, James and I talked a bit about the argument and life in general – – and we all found common ground, with no arguments. (I’m not sure if this is because she is just a good defuser or if she really meant what she said. Either way, it made for the start of a good/fun shopping day!!)
THANKSgiving, R’Amen!, we didn’t have to deal with him the rest of the day – – the “boys” were gone all day. On Saturday, we had a fairly decent day – – until he made a comment about how Athiest’s don’t have a name they can call out during sex. I laughed and said, “Well, I say ‘James!’” Couple more comments were made – – and then he said, “Well, if I am wrong, I’m worm food and if you’re wrong, you go to Hell.” I said, “Excuse me, where do you come up with that?” He hemmed and hawed – – and finally I said, “Biblically speaking, that is just not accurate.” I probably should have said “I haven’t found that Biblically speaking it is accurate – – so, why are you assuming to know what will or will not happen to either one of us.” (But, I was a little irritated at his pompus ass – – and my social ineptness kicked in once again – – and another argument ensued.) We argued about that for a while – – and in the end, he couldn’t find anything in the Bible that supported his argument – – but, he also didn’t budge on his position…..it was like talking to my Dad. UGH!! Anywho, then, on our way to my sisters house for a night of games, James informed me that Toto had said to him (both were sitting together and I was within visual but not auditory distance), “You know, those clothes should be standing on their own soon, as your wife hasn’t showered or changed clothes in three days.” My husband gently explained that I had a PJ pant and T-Shirt wardrobe in mostly blue colors and I had worn three separate outfits in as many days. When he arrived at my sister’s house, my freshly laundered (thanks, Kat!) clothing was sitting on her table and I said, “Check it, Toto, my clean clothes that I wore the last couple of days.” He looks to James and saya, “I guess you told her I said that.” No shame and certainly no apology.
**I am needing to head to town for shopping so I will make this last bit as short as possible….
Then, downstairs, he is sitting next to me while two teams are playing pool. I tie my shoe, ’cause it was a little loose, put my foot down on the chair leg and he reaches down and unties my shoe. I look at him and say, “You know, you are an asshole.” He makes a couple comments, one being something about sucking it up and then I say, “Seriously, Toto, you are about the biggest asshole I know.” Then he says something about me not being fair in that assessment and I say “Actually, I was gonna call you a prick but thought that would be a little rude. I am sticking with asshole.”
Shortly thereafter, he and his wife left. It actually didn’t occur to me until my hubby pointed it out that he may have left early ’cause I hurt his feelings. I just thought that since he could dish it out and had no shame with his obnoxiousness, it wouldn’t matter.
On Sunday, he pretty much didn’t say anything to me – – and I was HYPER-AGITATED and my behavior reflected it. I was totally socially inappropriate. I called my Mom to apologize for my inappropriate behavior and asked that she pass the apology on to my Dad.
What do you think I should do about Toto?
*Name has been changed to keep the peace.