Humans….we’re a funny creature…..
Something occurred to me today……actually, to be honest,quite a few somethings, occurred to me today. I am always amazed at how people react in certain situations. Are they more positive based – – more negative based – – or more realistic based? We are emotional creatures – – and no matter how hard we try, what drives us is our emotions. When we are emotionally attached to something or someone, logic is out the window. We can LEARN to be MORE logical – – but, ultimately, we are a prisoner to our emotions.
This is why, for those of you parents out there, we tend to act completely irrationally when it comes to our kids. And really, ANYTHING about our kids. Has someone ever asked you for advice on how to handle an issue with THEIR child – – because they had NO idea what to do next? Most of the time, you have a great answer. Then, not long after that, YOUR kid does a similar thing and now YOU are the one asking for help. Why? ‘Cause we just don’t think clearly when it comes to our kids……well, and anyone we have an emotional connection to.
We can learn to be more effective as parents (also friends, mates, workers, etc.) but, first we need to SEE ourselves for who we really are – – and admit that we can sometimes be wrong. Yeah, I know that was even hard for me to type……LOL! We humans, we NEVER think we are wrong – – even if the evidence is clearly presented to us……wrapped up in a pretty box with a lovely little bow. But, know what? Our BIGGEST emotional connection is NOT to our kids, our spouse, our friends….it is to OURSELVES. It should follow then, that our biggest obstacle in this emotional self-awareness….is our self. Can we make good decisions that concern ourselves when we are clearly driven by emotion FOR ourselves – – can we make a ‘logical’ decision when our very essence is on the line? How do we handle those times? Typically, we engage in the now familiar”Bush Tactic” – – the Preemptive Strike. We treat the person we are dealing with as we THINK they would treat us, IF WE WERE IN THEIR SHOES. So, if I ‘think’ you would tell me to jump off a building…..before I would even give you the chance to tell me, I tell you to jump off the building. And clearly, we know EXACTALLY how and what another person is going to say or do – – That pre-emptive strike thing sure seems to work out a lot, huh?
On to the wonderment of the human spirit: positive, negative or realistic?
An event occurred today that was handled so differently by all parties involved – – it was so interesting to see how everyone ‘took it.’ First we received a very hurtful email – – clearly, it was from the negative side of the house. I read and discussed it with my daughter who said, “Well, you are going to send something back right? ‘Cause maybe it will make it better.” Clearly, from the positive camp. Me? I was just gathering the occurrence coins along the way.
Coin Number 1: In order for people to justify certain things to themselves, they will need to change the facts, to suit their own needs. Kinda like the Asian concept of ‘saving face.’
Coin Number 2: Some people are just born a certain way…..happy, sad, mad, etc…….and your scale (or bell curve) is determined by your life experiences and (most importantly) your attitude. Can you change what you are born with – – no – – but, you CHOOSE to be at the high end or the low end of whatcha got.
Coin Number 3: Sometimes people come to the table with their answer already pre-determined – – any attempt to sway it, is really pointless.
Coin Number 4: We ALL have control issues – – some worse than others. Today I learned that control is a coveted item that people will sacrifice their morals, values and even integrity in order to gain (or re-gain, if they felt it was stripped from them).
I am so proud of Boo. She is one of these “Born Positives” – – so any event already has a positive tilt. She is learning that negative events, situations and people are out there – – and she is learning HOW to effectively deal with the issues as the come up. She is learning how to look at perspectives of others – – and how to ‘realistically’ work through the most likely scenarios (of course she is also learning that when there is an imbalance with someone, no matter what scenario you can imagine, the person will almost always surprise you.) She is learning how to deal with her emotions when something happens that she does not like – – regardless of whether or not she is allowed to have her say (with the offending person(s). And while I hope that she is able to continue with this new learned ability – – I sure hope it isn’t that often that she has to face such things.
And you know, this, this is what learning is truly about. I wish there was a category in my gradebook….she would get an “A.”
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